Back on solid ground?

As expected, the first few days here on American soil with my family were remarkable, but they are slowly fading with each passing of the day. It's not that being here isn't glorious, it's just that the excitement has faded a bit for both parties. Now, it's back to the normal way of life, as it should be. However, what I find difficult to extinguish are the day dreams of a better future for myself, which I had sought out to make reality since going abroad. What's also omnipresent in this daily and normal life that I find myself in is this constant reminder that my day dreams of a better future are in fact the only reality I have. The reality being that they're still only dreams. Which can be a bit depressing and mentality draining, as I begin to compare that with what I held to be true in the way of a normal life in Austria for the past several months.

Sure, it's good to back home...for starters my reading comprehension is at an all time high, and it was great to hang out with my older brother again, however the excitement of adventure and the unknown only alludes me here in America. And I'm not one of those people who are anti-America, as I wouldn't change my Nationality for anything, but it's just that America (for me) is not the end all be all.

One main reason could be that the love I still have for my girlfriend, which is harder to just let slide than originally conceived, remains deep within me and prevents me from finding that solidarity here in America. As is the case currently, she remains in Austria, but we remain connected through the marvels of 21st century technology. Unfortunately, the technology has yet to implant nor develop the subtle touch or smell from a loved one, so all we can do is continue to share comments about our future. What is remotely true for me as it has been said many times over, is that a bond grows stronger with distance. But, what I know to be in fact true is that our relationship has a solid foundation which enables this distance relationship to take place. However, the blossoming of new experiences surrounding this foundation have begun to whither. As much as we attempt to un-earth our history in remembrance of our love, it frequently feels more like a dusty old vase that was once adorned with the vibrance of an audience.

As you may notice with reading this, my thoughts and emotions are mixed, having felt both positives and negatives from this return home. Often I feel like the ground I stand on isn't complete, and if I don't continue to build up on it than it will just dry up and crumble beneath me. In other words, without the constant revitalization of new experiences, the ground becomes less fertile as the days linger on. I wonder, is what I'm talking about my job, my environment, or just the love I left in Austria? To be back on solid ground has only proven itself to be rooted in confusion at best.